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Empty Nest Syndrome

October 20, 2019 By The FerrisWheel

Blog Empty Nest Syndrome- Having a LAF

My four “children” are now all in their 20’s. They range in age from my eldest, 28, who is just about to embark on a world tour, to my baby, who is now 21 and almost finished in college.

When they were young I was fully engaged in their lives and invested in each assignment, music lesson, test, performance, match, party etc. In fact, the list of activities, obstacles, challenges and life lessons was seemingly endless. But alas, or perhaps just before I ran out of steam, their lives continue to change, and so does mine.

When they were very young, I knew, almost instinctively, that I was a kind of hero in their lives. I loved my kids, I loved being busy, organised, hectic, exhausted and at the same time completely happy and fulfilled. And that emotion was often echoed back to me by my children. So, yes, I was happy.
The teenage years proved to me to be a whole different kettle of fish! This was, for me anyway, the most tumultuous and fraught time for all of us.

There’s an enormous amount of change from childhood to teenage years. Some cope well while others seem to lose their way for a while. I know that there was uncertainty and a whole new skill-set that I really only learned in hindsight. They needed to begin to separate from us and yet we still needed each other in so many ways. I found it a time to impart lots of life skills, offer information and guidance and still encourage and support the kids in learning how to make their own decisions. One thing I’m glad I encouraged my teenagers was to listen to and trust their own “gut feeling”. I even think that they listened sometimes!

College time brought about the empty nest and with it new feelings of love, loss, loneliness and hope and pride. I missed each child as she (my 3 girls) and he (my baby boy) left home. I had mixed emotions. My daily chores and timetable freed up a lot. This was great. However, I really missed them and if I’m really honest, I felt a bit lost and left behind. I soon adjusted to the new routine and looked forward to weekends. I got to re-engage, there were lots of heart to hearts, hugs, home-cooked favourites, take-aways, loads of washing and fussing over them.

So, while they were really growing up, I still had enough contact to wean us both off our dependencies. My youngest is going into his final year in college and is already independent. There are weeks when he has so many assignments (at least that’s his story) that I may not see him for a month at a time. He has just spent the entire summer working in California.

We are rapidly approaching the final stage, where the children are, in many ways, self-sufficient. There have been further and important changes. Our relationships have progressed even further and morphed into the adult to adult kind.

As a parent I’m less needed and more wanted, which, I think, is mutually re-assuring. The loneliness of losing them to adulthood has given way to a deeper connection with myself, my friends and my kids. They have my unconditional support and I know that I have theirs. I’ve realised “I’m free” it’s a whole new kind of freedom.

Many couples don’t stay together and that brings lots of challenges and healing to be done. You will also need to begin to build your self-confidence again and learn to re-engage socially as a single person. If you’re still with your partner I think it’s really important for to re-connect as a couple. After all, you got together in the first place to be with each other. You have definitely changed and perhaps got side-tracked along the way. Hopefully you have both evolved as people and you can now get to know each other all over again.

My husband and I split up and I had a serious health scare with cancer, so my new purpose became to actually stay alive and be healthy. The secret for me has been three fold; I’ve changed my diet to plant based to re-build my immune system, I’ve let go of old hurts and forgiven everyone, and I’ve learned how to live for the present, to appreciate the little things, cultivate joyfulness and help others along the way.

So now I can say that yes, I definitely have more happiness, less pressure, less depression. My new partner and I were chatting about what’s important to us at this stage of life. So that’s really where “Havingalaf” came about. The word refers to having a Life After Fifty.

It’s all about living authentically, talking about what matters when you’re over 50 and offering information and support to others along the way. We’re learning so much, how to make YouTube videos, how to edit and post on social media. It’s a steep learning curve but we’re keeping it light and fun, and that’s what’s really important about this stage of life. So many people don’t even make it this far, I’m going to keep doing what I can to help people be happy and healthy – and make the rest of your life the Best of your life!

Have I made mistakes with my kids? Hell yes! And although I can’t change the past, it is precisely the unique mix of smooth and difficult times that help me appreciate the people we have all become. Although it’s been a joy and sometimes a tough road, I think I’m now happier than I’ve ever been.

Anne Marie Ferris, Wexford. August 2019

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: Empty Nest Syndrome, Life after Fifty

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“I lost my husband and decided to move back home at 70 years of age. The Havingalaf guys helped me to connect, socialise and get my confidence back. Now I love my life and am planning a new stage” Barbara J

“After an abusive marriage, a messy divorce and raising 4 kids I thought I’d seen the worst of life. Then I got cancer! The ideas and approach in Havingalaf got me through and I’m forever grateful. I’ve got the all-clear and am healthy again. I’ll use these tools from now on” Caroline F

“I suffered with depression and I drank and smoked too much. Getting healthy again was a slow process but I’m now eating well, exercising and I feel better than I have in years. Being part of a group really helped me keep going” Myles D

ferrisannemarie

Instagram post 2275527496475558563_7880880600 All too often women find it easier to criticize each other instead of building each other up, with all the negativity going around, let's do something positive!! Because YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! 😘 #onelove

Upload 1 picture of yourself. ONLY YOU. Then tag all gorgeous women to do the same. Build yourself up instead of tearing yourself down ❤️ #ChallengeAccepted!! 😍 #24hours  If I didn't tag you, please don't get offended. Please COPY AND PASTE. If I tagged you, don't disappoint me!! 😁

Here we go 2020 EMPOWERING WOMEN! #MentalHealthAwareness #WomenPower.
Instagram post 2262457284523646089_7880880600 In the words of Abdu Sharkawy; " I'm a doctor and an Infectious Diseases Specialist. I've been at this for more than 20 years seeing sick patients on a daily basis. I have worked in inner city hospitals and in the poorest slums of Africa. HIV-AIDS, Hepatitis,TB, SARS, Measles, Shingles, Whooping cough, Diphtheria...there is little I haven't been exposed to in my profession. And with notable exception of SARS, very little has left me feeling vulnerable, overwhelmed or downright scared. 
I am not scared of Covid-19. I am concerned about the implications of a novel infectious agent that has spread the world over and continues to find new footholds in different soil.  I am rightly concerned for the welfare of those who are elderly, in frail health or disenfranchised who stand to suffer mostly, and disproportionately, at the hands of this new scourge. But I am not scared of Covid-19.

What I am scared about is the loss of reason and wave of fear that has induced the masses of society into a spellbinding spiral of panic, stockpiling obscene quantities of anything that could fill a bomb shelter adequately in a post-apocalyptic world. I am scared of the N95 masks that are stolen from hospitals and urgent care clinics where they are actually needed for front line healthcare providers and instead are being donned in airports, malls, and coffee lounges, perpetuating even more fear and suspicion of others. I am scared that our hospitals will be overwhelmed with anyone who thinks they " probably don't have it but may as well get checked out no matter what because you just never know..." and those with heart failure, emphysema, pneumonia and  strokes will pay the price for overfilled ER waiting rooms with only so many doctors and nurses to assess. 
I am scared that travel restrictions will become so far reaching that weddings will be canceled, graduations missed and family reunions will not materialize. And well, even that big party called the Olympic Games...that could be kyboshed too. Can you even 
imagine?

I'm scared those same epidemic fears will limit trade, harm partnerships in multiple sectors, business and otherwise and ultimately culminate in a global recession.
Instagram post 2216210693986891334_7880880600 I cannot help but be moved by the recent loss of Marion Finucane and now Larry Gogan, RIP.

Perhaps it’s now time for us to step up to the mark and carry the gauntlet of change and growth into the next few decades.
Before the week is out let’s start 2020 on the right foot by setting a clear vision for yourself, your health, your well-being, career, relationship  or for the well-being of your loved ones or the world at large.
I will guide you through some goal setting and then we’ll energise it in your mind and body.
You’ll need a pen and paper and have at least 30 minutes of undisturbed time.
This 21 Days to your Well-Being and Success is a free event. You will need the link below, and the password to join the event is “2020”
Be sure to download the Zoom app onto your phone or computer and we’re all good to go!
You are welcome to share this link with anyone who you think will benefit from sharpening their focus and becoming the person they want to be in 2020.Topic: Anne Marie Ferris' Kicksart 2020
Time: Jan 9, 2020 8pm Join Zoom Meeting

https://us04web.zoom.us/j/592300517?pwd=QWpFa1JxS1RwK2ZsZUdLekZzWXNhQT09

Password: 2020
#womensinspire
#healthylifestyle #irish
Looking forward to seeing you on Thursday!  Anne Marie
Instagram post 2216208274401969182_7880880600 What a priceless privilege to celebrate Jim's 💯 birthday and he danced all night! #inspired #pwf #healthylifestyle
Instagram post 2202353505698618566_7880880600 Final red curry Thai supper of 2019, feeling #blessed and #healthylifestyle
Instagram post 2200866407111997780_7880880600 A fun day in Koh Lanta, perfect sunset and off now for dinner, feeling blessed with my family.
Instagram post 2197846857466548278_7880880600 This little lady knows the secrets 🤣🤣🤣
Instagram post 2197786971613478797_7880880600 Koh Lanta, Curracloe on steroids!😃@darraghferris wish you were here! #wellness #mentalhealth #yogainspiration
Instagram post 2194963672277926271_7880880600 Well, this is a first, even for me! Butterfly pea rice! Tastes good though 😋#healthylifestyle #soma #Havingalaf #mentalhealth
Instagram post 2191904385460650947_7880880600 What a great idea to come on #retreat in #thailand  #pangan #soma feeding body and soul @womensinspirenetwork ❣️🙏
Instagram post 2191193242568045869_7880880600 First day of my #yoga #retreat. So good to take #timeout
Instagram post 2187932341916341560_7880880600 Remember #kindness Inspiring lunch with the lovely Tracey Piggott. This baby #bmw is on its way to Wexford women's refuge. #fridayfeeling #Havingalaf #womensinspire Thanks to @wexfordchamber
Instagram post 2187786307332315648_7880880600 Had a great evening @murphysbarn01 Kickstarter to #happiness
#healthylifestyle #nlp It was lovely meeting everyone, and thanks to @tweetinggoddess @style_selfology and @womensinspirenetwork 
Here's to 2020!🍾❣️
Instagram post 2181591303614166026_7880880600 Here's to the #inspiringwomen in my life.  @edenmanorbridal @suzanne.oleary.524 @oleary_travel @havingalaf50 @womensinspirenetwork ❣️❣️❣️
Instagram post 2180752595008658540_7880880600 Sign up here to come to my VIP EVENING on Thursday 28th November. We will inspire you to live your best life! #mentalhealth  https://www.eventbrite.com/e/a-christmas-evening-with-anne-marie-tickets-79537074531
Instagram post 2171322362455178306_7880880600 Even the doggies aren't sure about my black bean spaghetti and mushroom dinner! 😂😱
Instagram post 2171320130380893183_7880880600 Even the dogs aren't #Havingalaf with these awful #rainynights @wednesday, how is your evening? @tweetinggoddess @womensinspirenetwork @wellness
Instagram post 2156116849983591449_7880880600 When your #baby #dog gets a shampoo and haircut...
Instagram post 2150338683998492618_7880880600 #Dyslexia Awareness Week, big message!#parents #win #learning
Instagram post 2149714059137132795_7880880600 Girlie time ❣️
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MEET ANNE MARIE

Anne Marie Ferris

The founder of the Ferris Wheel System©, Anne Marie Ferris, is an experienced teacher, educator and therapist. She has … MORE...

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